Fun stories

In Germany the police stopped a car that had a skeleton behind steering wheel…As it was found out on front left seat was indeed sitting a skeleton made of plastic in natural dimensions and given sun glasses. While car’s steering wheel was on the right managed by 2-old driver with active license. The driver was set free after detention as he proved the skeleton was thoroughly belted.

When I first came to Canada as student I had to live on working at a gas station. In addition I sold different trivia at shop that was at near. It was summer time and it was really very hot. Once one man came and asked to fill for twenty dollars. I inserted the fuelling nozzle in his fuel tank and turned on the pump. Right after somebody came to the shop I thought for cigarettes, the counter was only at eight dollars level and I moved towards him to sell what ever man wanted and come back. Passing that car its driver opened the window and stretched me out the money in advance. It was unusual to pay I advance of total fueling but I took money and hurried to the shop. Suddenly I heard awful noise behind…
When I turned I saw car with nozzle in tank and detached hose form the gas pump. The fuel was still pumping and spreading in all possible directions. Everybody came to panic and ran away. I got in stupor pending on my chances to survive if gas explodes. While all those shocking things were happening the driver got out of his car and seeing everything I described calmly asked if I was going to finish filling his fuel tank?

This story about…love, passion, criminal and worldwide man’s brotherhood. But everything is in its turn.
It was red sunset when my brother Valerian was going home, he said me goodbye and got in his car - Audi A8. Suddenly he remembered that he forgot his jacket and bag with foodstuffs, he decided not to stop engine and lock the car because as he intended to return in several minutes…how he was wrong.
When he came out again there was no car. Valerian searched around but it disappeared. Than he decided that shit happens and went home with taxi...when he arrived he found out great surprise. An unfamiliar man called.
“Good evening, are you Valerian?” he asked, “Yeah!” my brother surprised. “Do you own black Audi?” the man continued, “Right… I did just…” Valerian pricked up his ears. “Well you can find it at car parking near South railroad station. Goodbye…” and man disconnected.
South railroad station it is near my home but Valerian lived in North city’s part so it is too far from there, about two hours of driving. Damming everything Valerian dialed me and explained everything, asked to check if that was true and his car was really waiting for. It occurred true and after some one and forty my brother was there. I had never heard before such sounds it was something mixed between tiger’s roaring, elephant’s trumpeting and baby’s crying. He opened the door there was key in glove compartment and note. “Dear brother, thank you very much, your car is very hot.” In addition there was box with Scotch Ben Wyvis of 1965 great example whiskey should be! I didn’t mention that Valerian is real lover of old whiskey, in addition it was anniversary of his engagement. He took all stuff and drove to his lady…
One bottle of Ben Wyvis still is standing in my wine-cellar. This is the end of my story. Be careful with your beloved and don’t drink keeping steering wheel in your hands.

He fell in love with her from the first sight.
From the second sight he understood that he is nothing without her.
From the third sight he understood that he will be ravaged by her.
From the fourth sight he understood that contacts with her will ruin his family.
From the fifth sight he understood that she will seize the whole his lifetime.
From the sixth sight he understood that he was late and someone took her.
Then he shot a farewell glance at her and went away without looking back.
So car purchase was postponed for better times.

This story had happened with one my good friend. Some time ago he was younger than now he purchased a used car, it was Ford Sierra of 1983 - not bad car but jalopy indeed. Really it was cool 2.0L GL including all bells and whistles however always broken.

One time when it wasn’t in garage my friend, let’s call him Jimmy he was driving his clunker and suddenly it stopped just right the center of the road, the middle lane. He tried hard to start it again but failed. As it was early and there were no cars at the road to help him he called the emergency center and asked for transporter. While it was coming Jimmy laid down his seat and decided to take a nap.

After some ten minutes he was awaken by horn noise behind his car. He was wonder who it could be? Jimmy got out his Ford and come up to the car was standing behind his one. It was new Renault Kangoo with pretty girl inside. As real gentleman Jimmy asked her how could he help her? She answered that because of his car she couldn’t to go ahead.

Jimmy wondered how his car hindered her. There were no cars and there was enough space on the right and on the left lanes to pass through, he explained that to her. The girl looked at Jimmy angrily and wondered how she could do that as both turning light of his car were blinking!!?...

As I mentioned before Jimmy is real gentleman and really clam person. He explained to her that he had broken and than he was waiting for car transporter and what working together left and right turning lights meant. And that by the moment he had no time but later if she didn’t mind…
Well now this girl – Jane – is Jimmy’s girlfriend and she learned by her heart how emergency signal works and what does it mean as well. We call them double J. :)

I am a calm person if nobody irritates me. Usually the thing I can’t stand is people’s unprofessional self-confidence, well it is like this, the less person knows the more pomposity we can see. But this is just lyrical digression. My story is as follows.

As I said I am very calm person. My occupation is driving instructor. I like my profession very much and I know every aspect of road rules. And I’ve never broken them because my experience almost twenty years.

Once I was driving home in my car - an old Fiat and when turned left one Mercedes bumped into my car. I knew that I did everything in a proper way and the fault was totally of the Mercedes driver. Thanks to God it wasn’t a hard accident, just some scratches, my Ford quite old and it was high time take part in Pimp My Car show for it.

I haven’t any complaints against Mercedes driver, and in addition she was pretty one girl. I just was going to advise her visit our driving school. I didn’t manage to open the door when she already stood behind my car hood waving her hands. I coolly got out of my car, came up to this road angel. She gave me no chance to speak. Immediately she blamed me for the accident and came into hysteric.

I saw such people before and was keeping silence however inside I was becoming angry. After some five minutes girl clamed down to be able to speak and asked me what to do. For that time I have no sympathy for her and answered that I was going to call road police. She was thinking for several seconds about my words. And declared that she needed phone her lawyer. Girl got her cell phone and dialed. The man answered and I was able to hear his speech because her mobile had high level of receive volume.

Girl cried that she had gotten into accident. Man asked what my car model was. Girl looked confused. I bet she could not distinguish passenger car from truck. “Well it is old one…” she babbled. Then turned at me and asked what my car model was?
For all that time I was standing without saying a word and slowly became boiling. “I have Jaguar Mark 2 you know the inspector Morse drove it…” I replied because recently I saw one TV show about this car that was sold more than 100,000GBP and was too angry to say something else. She repeated all I said to her lawyer.

For half a minute there was dead silence than man asked if I had had any complaint against her. Girl reproduced me his question. For that time I clamed down myself and said simple “NO”. After lawyer heard that he thought about one minute to give her a piece of advice. And it was pretty short. “Get out of there, begone!” I suppose that man watched the day before evening show as me ;)

There was one funny occasion I was eye-witness. It was rush hours at one cross road in the down town, small traffic jam. One Mercedes stopped at traffic lights with beautiful woman driver, behind it stopped police car with two cops.

The green turned but Mercedes was still motionless. That woman, most likely a novice driver stopped engine and tried to start it without any results. She became nervous and seemed helpless. After several minutes road policemen decided to help her being real gentlemen. Via megaphone he started to describe woman how to start engine step by step. “Lady! Please don’t worry. First, switch off the ignition. Well, next step – press clutch pedal. Okay, now shift neutral gear with transmission rod, turn on ignition and start engine. Good girl!”

Of course after such a detailed assistance she succeeded and started engine; and inspired policeman continued. “…don’t release the clutch. Next, you should shift neutral to first gear and carefully release clutch pedal. Now - it is green!” Woman did everything as the cop had told only with one small difference – she messed the first level with back-draught, and as result she bumped into the police car at full bore!

Several seconds there was swallowing silence then the stunned with crash slipped the following tirade: ”What’s piece of s**t. I told you that this small b**h will take back and crash us...! ”
Dead silence. Curtain ;)

This car story was told me by my old friend; he loves to travel on wheels and regularly he crosses the country with his blue minibus Ford. Well, one day he was driving it to one southern state and road policeman stopped him. Young officer come up to my friend and asked him to stay for his boss.

When Dick (this is the name of my friend) wondered what’s up officer replayed that he would deal with his chief only. For several minutes Dick was waiting policeman stopped additionally two black Jeeps and told him to wait chief without any further explanations. Everyone was waiting for chief with increasing interest.

After some ten minutes black and white Dodge Charger drove up to them and senior officer got out of it. He gazed at cars his fellow had stopped and than at him. Then he asked him which cars he had to stop according to his order? Cap reported without delays.

- Sir, you had ordered me to stop black Jeep with ND plates!
Senior officer looked to him with inquiry.
- And?
- Here they are, Two Jeeps!...
Young man waved at Jeeps.
- Well, and what about the ND plates?
- Here it is!
And man pointed to Dick’s Ford! ;)

It was southern state, desert highway, red Ferrari at full speed rushing on left driving lane. Sheriff with difficulty overtook it and made stop. He came up to car and saw Blondie who was sitting at driving place. With smile at his mouth he said.
- Good morning. Lady I have to impose a fine because you broke speed limit.
Blondie perplexedly asked him.
- Speed limit… what is it?
Sheriff continued scoffing.
- Well, speed it is distance you had pass divided to the time you spend on it.
Blondie surprised asked back.
- How did you know the distance I have passed? Have you followed me? Do you know where I live?
- No, lady I don’t know where you live.
- You've just announced that you measured the distance I have passed and divided it to something… I'm driving my car from my home, so you know where I live.
Sheriff answered her with tired voice.
- There is one device in car that shows speed you drive, it called speedometer. I was behind you and saw that you broke speed limit.
Confusing Blondie asked sheriff again.
- Oh, what is is, speedometer?
Sheriff became angry.
- Look at this round thing with arrow on your car dashboard. It is called speedometer and when you were driving car the arrow was beyond this number! Do you see?
Blondie went into hysteric.
- How do you know this? You were out of my car. I need to telephone my lawyer!
Sheriff with deep drawn sigh uttered.
- Well, do it.
Blondie took phone, dialed the number and cried.
- George! I am at sixth highway. Hurry up and come here! I’ve got the trouble. One man followed me from my house stopped me here and he alleges that he installed some device into my car that can show him everything I did!!! Now he wants me to give him money.
Sheriff imaging himself how many it could take time, how much nonsense Blondie could have told and how many problems he could get with court examination and reacted immediately.
- Sorry, lady. I just mess you with another person. You can be free.
Blondie sniffed scornfully and showed indecent gesture with her ring finger and gone full bore her Ferrari.
The sheriff looked at her tires traces said with delay.
- Who is Blondie after this?

This is very funny and cool car story I was told and here is it…Imagine the police outpost. Two cops stopping an Audi with fully toned windows. The car stops just in 30 meters after and nobody seems to be in it as nobody is going to get out of it. The cops (two) after several moments of confusion as the situation is rather unusual and weird decide to approach together, open the door and see That…nobody’s sitting on front seats but in the rear they see four tipsy guys!!! Cops ask: Where is the driver? Guys answer: We don’t know really! Cops: How is it possible? Guys: Cap, the driver was for sure, but as we are all tipsy – we can’t afford ourselves to sit at wheel, we are not busy here…Here are the documents, take it…but we are out of affair. While the cops are trying to catch the point of the matter some of the guys calls his friend and he arrives there, quite sober and takes the car without a problem!