Auto humor

One car owner parked his car in the street for the night and arranged a note on its radiator saying “there is nothing to steal from this car!” In the morning the driver found his car with broken windshield with another note saying “Sorry Sir, I just wanted to check your words”.

One car driver stopped his car before sharp slope and asked a passing peasant.
- Is it true this slope is very dangerous?
The peasant pushed a bit and shook his head.
- Not really, mister. All cars crash only there downward.

Urban woman-driver is riding via country road and notices two postal workers clambering the telephone pole.
- What the idiots! - sniffs scornfully applying to her fellow.
- They must have thought I’ve never driven a car.

Midget car owner goes in his car with a friend on the right passenger seat saying:
- Hey, what’s the wall we are riding along?
- It’s not a wall, Sam! It’s pavement border.

A man who decided to get married was still choosing between three girls loving him. So to make the final choice he handed to each 5 000 dollars and wanted to see how would they use the money.

The first girl purchased a lot of stylish and beautiful clothes, make-up; visited luxury beauty house. She made everything to look imposing and told the man: “I love you very so I want everyone to know that your wife is the most beautiful in our town”.

The second girl spent all the money for the man: she bought him suits, shirts, toolware for his car and said to him: “You are the most important thing in my life so I invested all the money to your pleasure.

The third girl invested the 5 000 dollars to business, got 5 000 benefit and handed back to him all the 10 000 dollars saying: “I want you to understand I’m not wasteful but wise.
The man pushed a bit and married the one girl with bigger breast.

I live in Australia, and love cars very much. Recently one my colleague his name Dan, got a fine. The reason was he had only one license plate at rear at all. Dan was in fury, and in his opinion, police bridged him because at first he had only one plate. He said that for all eleven years he has been driving his Subaru he had one plate at the first.

In trying to find truth he went into local department of the road safety, he made there grate scandal and demanded to check it database information, which could to confirm he got only one license plate. Next content is directly what he said me.

I came into big room where sited girl playing card game at her computer. I took my license plate and waving it behind her asked to check up that it was true, I had got at first only one piece of plate. She quickly printed my number confirmed my name and car make and her answer was that they gave me two copies. I was understood nothing and stayed perplexedly gazing at her. Girl took the plate from his hand and delved edge with her long nails at last separate it to two identical pieces, one was old and other new… Dan was in shock.

Girl asked him if he wanted to pay the fine right now… Dan did it without saying a word. Later he concluded that was the most shameful situation that he had ever had. And still he feel himself like dumbass.

This story is rather funny and maybe this is not directly connect with automobile but really, I remembered it today while I was riding my car round the city and one young man who hitch me. I told him it and he liked it, now I would like to suggest it for your eyes.

It was time at the end of 80s I had been graduating my university and to pay bills have to work hard all the time that I was not study. Well I got a pet shop assistant job where I live and married and returning very late. Usually I catch someone to get underground station.

Now about my duty, I was promoting new sort of flea collars for dogs and cats and my direct work was calling and answering phone. The one phrase I said always from first was ‘Hello, this is pet shop’, I took up to two hundred calls per day and at the end I was little bit out of right mind.

After one beer, I hitched car and what do you think I asked? Yes! ‘Hello, is this pet shop?’ The driver was slightly shocked and pulled throttle down. I had to summon up all my strength than, collect my thoughts and wait for other car.

Husband and wife are pushing their car towards the car workshop as it has broke. Husband tells his wife:
- That guys who sold us this car was partially right.
- What do you mean?
- I mean his words that this car consumes close to nothing of petrol.

Crash on the road. Woman-driver after crashing another car appeals:
- It was fully me to blame!
- Not really, - argues the second driver (man) – this is wholly me to be to blame. I really saw that the counter car driven by woman so I could easily take to the ditch and wait for your passing by.

Son applies to his father:
- Dad, may I take your car as we have plans with my girl friend tonight?
- Ok but there is no petrol there in the tank.
- It’s all right, as we won’t need petrol really.